It never ends

I spent yesterday with a raging migraine. Well, to be honest, it had been growing for days. It just reached the peak yesterday. By the time I got home from my daughter’s dance class it felt like the front right of my forehead, and the left rear of my skull were going to explode in a disgusting splat of brain matter. I blamed the stress of the week, the incoming storm, and my hate of spring.

Then came last night. I tried to sleep. I woke up only an hour into my attempt in a full sweat, panic, and wondering if I had just had a seizure. I knew I was having an aura. Everything was immediately awful. The nausea, the numbness, the lights behind my eyes when I tried to close them, and the complete terror that all things were about to go to shit.

It took me about 5-10 minutes to remember that I had a weapon against the awfulness, so I looked for the magnet for my VNS (vagus nerve simulator). I couldn’t find mine, so I poked at my husband until he gave me his. Things got slightly better. I slept for another hour or two, and then repeated the godawful process.

One of the worst things is knowing that you need to get up to pee, but being too scared to do it because you don’t want to have a seizure walking, or in the bathroom. I would rather already be laying down than fall. I know that the pain is about the same in the end, but the bruises are different.

This morning I have no idea if I ever really had a seizure, or if it was all just a long series of vicious auras. My face is randomly numb, I am dizzy, my head feels squished, I’m nauseated, and I want to trade in my neck.

Epilepsy Problem #26: Terrifying Auras

I really wish my Botox order would come in to my neurologist’s office soon, so my migraines would take a break. Effing insurance is taking their time.

Oh well. I will make it through today, I will make it through today…



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